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Legionas
senbuvis
Posts: 2539
Joined: 2004-11-03 12:17
Location: Sask

2005-10-28 12:48

10 Students of Theology want to become Priests. On their last day of studies, the teacher said to them: 'So, now you have to pass one last test! Please come in this room, and everybody strip!'
In they went. The teacher gave everyone a little bell on a ribbon. 'Please hang this on you little friend!' And he brought in a naked woman. 'Now, if anybodies bell rings, you will not pass the test, you can quit becoming a Priest!'
Of course somebodies bell did ring. As this person walked to the door, his bell fell down and he had to bend down to pick it up. That moment 9 bells rang!
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Jean Paul Sartre
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Posts: 326
Joined: 2005-06-16 09:57
Location: Circus Maximus
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2005-10-29 14:09

:D :D :D taiklus anekdotas
7x
senbuvis
Posts: 1822
Joined: 2004-07-16 21:43

2005-10-30 14:49

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident" "OH DEAR GOD NO!!!" George W. Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks up and asks.......... "How many is a Brazillion??!"
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son
senbuvis
Posts: 2629
Joined: 2005-04-05 08:31
Location: Kaunas/London

2005-11-21 20:51

Ateina chronius į klausyklą, atsisėda ir sėdi.
Neiškentęs kunigas pabaladoja į sieną.
Chronius:
- Nebaladok, nebaladok, ir pas mane popieriaus nėra.
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silentium
skeptikas
Posts: 518
Joined: 2005-02-14 16:50
Location: Forli', Italia

2005-11-22 10:09

Dekartas sakydavo: "Mąstau, vadinasi, egzistuoju".
Kartą Dekarto paklausė: "Ar norėtumėt kavos?"
Dekartas atsakė: "Nemanau", - ir išnyko.

Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed, "The Gate of Heaven." Below that was a small cardboard sign which read, "Please use other entrance."

One day, a preacher was walking along the street and he comes across a boy with a box filled with newly born kittens.
"Boy, what kind of kittens do you have there?" The preacher asked the young boy.
"They're christian kittens, sir" the boy replied. So the preacher, nods, smiles and walks along. Two weeks later he comes across the same boy and asks "How are those christian kittens doing?" The boy smiles at him, looks up and says "Oh, they're not christian kittens anymore"
The preacher, shocked by this exclaims "What... why not?!?" The boy continues to smile and looks at him, "Well, ya see, now they're eyes are open and they're atheists."
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silentium
skeptikas
Posts: 518
Joined: 2005-02-14 16:50
Location: Forli', Italia

2005-11-22 10:24

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Catholic." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"
St. Peter tells him, "Well the Baptists are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.
7x
senbuvis
Posts: 1822
Joined: 2004-07-16 21:43

2005-11-22 13:29

Kiekvienas katalikas šventai tiki Biblija, o kartais ją net perskaito.
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son
senbuvis
Posts: 2629
Joined: 2005-04-05 08:31
Location: Kaunas/London

2005-11-23 10:19

Pavagia kažkas kunigo dviratį. Šis nueina pasiguosti savo kolegai ir sako:
- Nenoriu nieko užgauti, tik noriu susirasti savo dviratį.
Kunigas moko:
- Sekmadienį užlipk į sakyklą ir sakyk dešimt dievo įsakymų. Sakydamas
"Nevok" žiūrėk visiems į akis. Tas, kuris paraus, ir bus vagis.
Po mėnesio jiedu vėl susitinka.
- Na, ar padėjo? - klausia vienas.
- Taip. Užlipau į sakyklą ir kai tik ištariau "Nesvetimoteriauk", atsiminiau, kad dviratį pas Onutę palikau.
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Snukis
senbuvis
Posts: 3214
Joined: 2004-06-03 18:27
Location: Kaunas
Contact:

2005-12-04 21:06

Angelai rojuje surado dešrelę. Kadangi niekaip negalėjo išsiaiškinti, kas tai per daiktas, nuėjo pasiklausti pas šv. Mariją. Ta apžiūrėjo ir sako:
- Labai panašu į šventąją dvasią, tik ta didesnė buvo...
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Legionas
senbuvis
Posts: 2539
Joined: 2004-11-03 12:17
Location: Sask

2005-12-12 17:03

Meldžiasi kunigas:
– Viešpatie, kodėl Tu nesi teisingas? Aš dieną naktį Tau meldžiuosi, tačiau gyvenu skurde, o visokie bedieviai statosi pilaites, gyvena prabangoje. Kodėl Dieve?
Balsas iš dangaus:
– Todėl, kad jie man neįkyri prašymais.

================

Anglikonas dvasininkas vaikščiojo gražiame sode. Pamatė sodininką. Dvasininkas jam tarė:
–Koks nuostabus sodas. Dar kartą įsitikinau, kokius nuostabius vaisius gali sunokinti Kūrėjo ir žmogaus bendradarbiavimas.
Sodininkas jam nuolankiai atsakė:
– Ačiū. Tačiau turiu pastebėti, kad dar prieš porą metų, kai čia triūsė vien Kūrėjas, vaizdelis buvo nekoks.
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silentium
skeptikas
Posts: 518
Joined: 2005-02-14 16:50
Location: Forli', Italia

2006-01-03 00:53

Top 20
Church Bulletin Mistakes
20. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in

19. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

18. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

17. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

16. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

15. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

14. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

13. bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

12. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

10. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

9. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

8. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

7. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service, we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

6. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study.

5. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

4. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

3. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

2. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

1. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

saltinis: http://www.brainofbrian.com/topten4.html
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Jauja
pradedantis
Posts: 200
Joined: 2005-12-06 18:23

2006-02-10 14:43

Pingvinai - juodai balti. Seni filmai irgi juodai balti. Reiškia, pingvinai - tai seni filmai.

(Dar vienas dalykas, kurio nesupranta pingvinai - tai logika)
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Akela
senbuvis
Posts: 2549
Joined: 2006-01-08 23:00

2006-02-18 22:17

Biblija ir Koranas - tai izheidimai ateistu tikejimui, jog dievo nera! :oops:

(Ish anekdot.ru)
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Moshiah
skeptikas
Posts: 659
Joined: 2004-04-22 14:45
Location: Yerushalaim de-Lita

2006-02-24 13:40

Dekartas sakydavo: "Mąstau, vadinasi, egzistuoju".
Kartą Dekarto paklausė: "Ar norėtumėt kavos?"
Dekartas atsakė: "Nemanau", - ir išnyko.
Rusiskai butu aiskiau. :D
Apostatas
senbuvis
Posts: 3056
Joined: 2005-03-07 17:43

2006-03-07 09:48

Vyras ir zmona yra lygiateisiai seimoje, ypac zmona.
senis
senbuvis
Posts: 1434
Joined: 2005-11-27 02:44
Location: Vilnius

2006-03-07 12:44

Zurnalistas daro apklausa vokieciu, prancuzu, rusu apie ju naudojamas masinas.
Klausia vokieciu:
-Kokiomis masinomis vazinejate i darba ?
-Golf, apksritai volksvagenais.
-O jeigu vaziuojate i uzsieni ?
-Na tada bmw, audi.
Klausia prancuzu:
-Kokiomis masinomis vazinejate i darba ?
-Paprastai reno.
-O jeigu reikia i uzsieni ?
-Na tada aisku imame peugot.
Klausia rusu:
-Kokiomis masinomis vaziuojate i darba ?
-Ziguliukais, maskviciukais.
-O jeigu reikia i uzsieni ?
- Tai kad mums nereikia i uzsieni.
- O jeigu labai prisireikia ?
- Tai kad neisivaiduoju ko gali uzsienyje prisireikti.
- Nu bet isivaizduokim kad labai labai labai prisireike, tai kuo vaziuosite ?
- Nu jeigu jau labai labai labai prisireike - tada TANKAIS.
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Akela
senbuvis
Posts: 2549
Joined: 2006-01-08 23:00

2006-03-21 21:27

Truputi piktokas, bet kultinis ir labai skeptishkas anekdotas.

Alpinistas kariasi i kalna. Ish paskutiniuju pasiekia virshune, o ten -- seneliukas sedi.
- Tu kas?
- Dievas.
- Oho. Tai tikriausiai bet koki mano nora ishpildyti gali?
- Galiu.
- ...
- Bet priesh tai turesi mane patenkinti!
Alpinistui kaipmat nuovargis ishlakste, eme jis savo "Dievuli" tenkinti. O tasai priesh bebaigdamas deda jam ant galvos ranka, glosto ir sako:
- Ech tu, suauges, didelis, o vis dar tiki pasakomis...


Rusishkai, zhinoma, skamba geriau:

Vzroslyj, balshoj, a v skazki verish...
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son
senbuvis
Posts: 2629
Joined: 2005-04-05 08:31
Location: Kaunas/London

2006-03-26 22:39

Naujasis rusas užsuko pas kunigą. Išpažinties... Pašnekėjo jie, pašnekėjo. Na, ir naujasis rusas sako:
- Žinot, šventas tėve... Mane labai godumas kamuoja...
- Tai pasimelsk sūnau mano. Ir pabandyk išpirkti savo nuodėmę.
- O kaip?
- Na, pavyzdžiui, duok 50 dolerių pirmam sutiktam žmogui, kai tik išeisi iš bažnyčios...
Išeina naujasis rusas iš bažnyčios, o aplink - tuščia. Paeina kiek toliau, mato - liekna mergina su "miniaku".
Naujasis rusas prieina:
- Imkite 50 dolerių, panele!
- Reikia 100!
- Ką? Bet šventas tėvas sakė, kad 50...
- Jis pastovus klientas!
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